Violence In Prostitution
And this time it's not about a topic, about women who consume prostitution indirectly or directly alongside their partner. A survivor writes us a hard testimony (!) about this:
"There is a phenomenon that has been gaining strength lately among married couples or just couples who have been together for a long time, to invite an escort girl for a threesome. When we already seem to know what humiliation is, the client arrives on the scene and sets a new standard of humiliation. The eyes examining every centimeter of my body, your hands or your touch on me as if you are in a porn movie with a promise of an Oscar at the end... I I understand, you are liberal, you are open, you prefer your husband to cheat with you and not behind your back, maybe you yourself are attracted to women.
But you, who ask me to undress in front of you and look at your husband with a look of "look what I brought you, how cool I am" put yourself in my place. You are a woman, you are like me, so where does the ignorance or ignorance come from to treat me as if we are not of the same species. After all, you wouldn't want to be in my place, but if your reality was different, maybe you would turn out to be me.
Meet someone in a bar, there are plenty of sites, there are promiscuous clubs all over Tel Aviv. So why buy a wife? I sometimes try without words to convey to a woman only through the eyes, that please, at least be gentle, don't be sneaky at my expense.
But women never look me back in the eyes. Sometimes you can say, "Mommy, just put on a condom that doesn't get infected with diseases." It's a shame, it's another piece of trust in the world, in the people we lose."
# Prostitution and physical violence
"Even the nice customers are violent, as if in the bottom line he paid and you have to deliver the goods" (from the testimony of S., a survivor of prostitution)
As we have already written before, prostitution and violence are intertwined. Studies have shown that women in prostitution are exposed to more violence than women who are not in prostitution, are exposed to severe physical injuries and even murder. The reasons for this do not relate to the "nature of the population" that comes, but because prostitution, by its very nature, puts the woman in the position of an object and a legitimate object of abuse and harm.
When sexual violence is committed against an "ordinary" woman, there are indeed quite a few injustices in the handling of the matter by the authorities, but these women still have the social legitimacy to complain and protest about it. If physical violence is also involved, it is reasonable that there will be a more serious regard for the complaint and more extensive condemnation from the company.
In comparison, when a woman in prostitution is harmed, it will usually not interest anyone, and certainly will not evoke empathy or compassion. Complaining to the police is not an option because the woman will be told that it is her fault or that it is part of "the job", and this is without even discussing the humiliation she will experience just from being exposed. This transparency is not limited only to the capacity of the complaint, but pervades the entire mindset in the media and society as a whole. Thus, if God forbid a "normative" woman is murdered, there will certainly be coverage in the media (whether little or extensive). About women in prostitution who are murdered, on the other hand, apparently nothing is heard. In this way, these women remain transparent to the same extent, and this is also one of the reasons why serial killers see women in prostitution as convenient victims - because they can be hurt in the most sadistic and violent way possible, and without any fear of being judged for it.
Even in our community here, almost every woman who comes to us, shares difficult situations she experienced and extreme violence against her or intimidation by pimps and/or prostitutes if she does not cooperate. Intimidation, intimidation, humiliation and control are allowed to those parties without interference as a result and as a direct continuation of the social reality in which women in prostitution are seen as different, promiscuous, despicable, emotionless, bad and most of all - transparent.
*The post was written in collaboration with "Shelgia" surviving our community. Thank you.
# Prostitution and adulterers in positions of power
They are famous, they have money, they also usually look not bad at all and can have sexual relations with women without paying, so why are they consumers of paid sex?
The answer is that we are once again evidence that paying for access to a woman's body parts does not stem from desire or a lack of sex, but is an act of exercising control and power.
Reliable survivors shared with us the names of celebrities, those that young girls really "fall at their feet", but they insist on "ordering prostitution services" in order to demonstrate their wealth and powers, often accompanied by humiliating behavior on their part towards the survivors (I wish we could publish their names).
The claim that sex consumers are poor and dark men, shatters when you recognize the reality of women in prostitution.
# What is the difference between a pimp and a hit man?
Many tangents characterize the levels of dependence and terror produced by violent men in relationships and pimps towards women in prostitution.
In both situations the men humiliate the women and lower their self-confidence in a way that does not allow the women to believe that something else good awaits them or that they deserve more.
In both situations, the men own the economic capital, and the women find themselves destitute, owe money and depend on their spouse/pimp in order to exist and make a living
The violent men/pimps shower expressions of love on the women in a confusing way and create a false sense of protection. Women in prostitution often see a pimp as a real family member who takes care of their needs and protects them ("He's my best friend" / "He's an amazing man" - phrases I've heard about very violent pimps)
Pimps and violent men in relationships isolate women from the world: from friends, from family, etc., creating a disconnected bubble in which only the practice of prostitution/relationship exists and this in order to further weaken the woman.
# Prostitution and hidden violent practices
(The post includes graphic descriptions, please read with discretion)
As we know, adulterers use violence against women in a variety of ways. The most commonly known and talked about ways are the ways that are openly perceived as violent. These may include verbal humiliation, use of physical force, rape and the like. But beyond that, there are other ways, hidden from view - on which we wish to shine a spotlight in this post.
This week, a prostitution survivor told us that some clients use laxatives and ejaculation inhibitors. They do not inform the women of this and some find themselves with anesthetized mouths and cannot understand the reason.
Other ways include removing a condom in the middle of an act without asking permission, using lubricants/saliva, etc. without asking permission, etc.
Measures of this kind are measures that most likely will not immediately come to our mind when the term "violence" is mentioned, but nevertheless and precisely because of this - it is serious violence for all intents and purposes. We see the depth of its seriousness and complexity in that it often creates difficulty in diagnosing it in a way that is declared as harm.
Unfortunately, these practices are also relevant to the lives of women who do not engage in prostitution - and they even experience the gap and dissonance between their difficult inner feeling and the difficulty of clearly understanding that these behaviors are harmful.
Therefore, in situations of prostitution, where the relationship is not a relationship from the beginning, but the satisfaction of the needs of one party only - the complexity of these feelings, as well as the gap created - is only further intensified. Worse than that is the knowledge that even if a woman succeeds in formulating the understanding that this is wrong and unacceptable - still the money she needs (or the fear of revenge for daring to violate her place in the power relations and control) stands as a barrier between her ability to revolt against the act. In this way, the dynamics of prostitution allow the continuation of a cycle of obedience, servitude and submission - without any ability of the woman to have any ownership over her body and soul.
* The post was written in collaboration with "Shelgia" and "Inbal" surviving members of our community.
The day the understanding is established that women in prostitution are us and here and not them and there - we will become a more enlightened, and above all integrative and whole society.
# Prostitution and violence - testimony from the inside
This is the testimony of a woman I know well. Evidence of an attempted murder she went through this week which luckily she survived. (The testimony is very graphic and difficult!!)
Friday, I was waiting for a driver in the street, my face is headed for Beer Sheva. I don't know if there will be work, lately it has been relatively quiet. My heart rustles.
Getting into the car, praying that I will return home without being seen, after 2-3 orders from drunks, from the streets.
Then the call came on Telegram, it was around five in the morning, I didn't exactly have any strength left. I returned to the car, on my way to another order. The driver continued to drive to a prestigious area of villas with beautiful names of citrus cows, he stopped on the street.
I'm exhausted, I want to sleep already, I'm texting messages from the electricity company in preparation for disconnection. There is nothing to talk about for children's camps. The owner of the apartment sent a letter in preparation for execution, threatening me with immediate eviction.
The door was opened for me by a guy about twenty plus years old, relatively tall, fair, his eyes were bright, he looked embarrassed. Introduced himself and reassured: Don't worry, I'm not going to break you. I don't just want sex from you. I want to spend two hours together, having fun, drinking, talking, I'll tell you a little about myself. He offered me 1,000 for two hours, I refused, he raised the price to 1,200, I refused again, he offered 1,300. I told him that it is acceptable to pay 2000,000 per hour. He gave me a sum of cash in hand. I counted 1500. I'm sorry, I can't. I said and left the apartment.
I went back to sit in the car, the clerk called, listen, he wants you, he called me. I'm willing to give you a little more for your part. I do this just for you. I know you need money.
After persuasion, I went up again, knocked on his door, it seemed that he was relieved. I received 1500 from him for two hours. We entered the room after I showered in the tub, I noticed that there was a key attached to the door and I locked it so that he wouldn't get in the middle.
There was a horror in the bed, he whipped me, slapped me painfully, pulled my hair aggressively, cursed me: whore, whore, whore, and more shameless. I told him be careful, you gave me blue marks, you can't hit me. If this continues I will go. What you are doing to me is a crime. Kept giving me a hard time. He turned me over on my stomach and tried to insert his penis without a condom, after throwing the condom I brought on the floor. I rebelled. I've screamed enough, I can't anymore. stop that. I got up and he nervously asked for money back, took out a calculator from the drawer and said you were with me for 20 minutes. I want a refund for 70 min. I explained to him that he received a discount of NIS 500 and there is no refund for an hour. Ready to return 500 to him and parted as friends. He asked for the money with curses and threats, I asked him for a minute just to get dressed, I held my bag, I was afraid he would hold onto it. He refused to give me a minute.
I remained stuck without the ability to free myself, ready to get out of there even naked and knock on the neighbors' doors.
I break you into twenty pieces. I beat you to death. You won't get out of here alive, he said and swung his fist in my direction. I didn't have time to think, he ran to the kitchen, and came back with a huge kitchen knife, for cutting meat. The knife was a few inches from my body. I fled towards the bathroom, I closed the door on me with the lock I remembered from earlier. He felt defeated. Screamed and cursed, threatened to kick and break the door. When I tried to take the mobile out of the bag to call the police, it dawned on me that the phone was at zero percent. The driver must be sleeping in the car. There's no way he'll come up before the time runs out. When will I get out of here? My mind ached with thoughts of death.
About twenty minutes later he tried to calm me down, give me the money, I'll take the knife down. I told him: "I will only leave here accompanied by a car. You threatened me with a kitchen knife, cursed me and beat me. I am afraid to go out." I tried to open it and peek at him, he was still with the knife. He managed to get me and I couldn't lock the door again. I took the money out of my bra and gave it to him. Come take it, just let me go. You don't want to go to jail because of a girl, do you? I approached the door , I asked him to put down the knife, he threw the bills I gave back to him on the floor. Two two-hundred and one one-hundred bills. I tried to open but he was adamant: now indulge me. Unfortunately, he didn't let me leave his apartment until he was satisfied. I finished my shift at seven in the morning, with a Postinor pill that I bought for fear of getting pregnant from it. "Don't forget to smile, you have a perfect smile. And if the police come, what will you say? Where did you come to me from?", he left a phone number and suggested that we meet privately, that you have more meat and earn without sharing the money, and if you have a child from me, you are welcome to call.