Rape Culture

# The woman's body as a consumer product 

One of the main problems in prostitution is treating the female body as a commodity.

The body is broken down into smooth parts ("So how's her chest? And how's her ass?" asks a consumer of prostitution and allows himself criticism as if he were present at a restaurant "It's too big and I ordered a small one")/

The subject becomes an object. It doesn't matter how someone feels today, whether they want to or don't want to, tired or sad, angry or hungry - no meaning for them to be human.

Women in prostitution are a collection of parts big or small, white or black, fit or not.

 

 

# Jokes about prostitutes

Maybe we are "dryers" and "heavy" disgruntled feminists who don't understand a good joke, but we admit that it is hard for us to hear how our sisters are laughed at.

We in the community always shudder at the question of the word prostitution for the purpose of derogatory expression, laughter or disdain - such as "whore house", "prostitutes", "your mother is a prostitute" or the definition of prostitution as "light work" that she hired on the side.

These ways of expressing themselves, which have become part of everyday slang, are serious and require consideration in themselves, but unfortunately, this is not the end of the injustice done, and over the years - in the shadow of insult and shame and in the absence of protection from society - mocking slang has spread, deepened and spread - beyond derogatory language, to jokes as well of real for the public's enjoyment. Are these equally invalid phenomena? Or is there another aspect of deepening the injury?

From the words of our "Shelgia", a survivor of our community:

"I'm already used to cursing and derogatory names, I mean - I got used to it, not because it's normal - but because the company is sick, but when there are these jokes that ask what a prostitute screams when they hurt her (for those who don't know: save me, they're breaking into my business) - and everyone laughs. I have never been able to get used to this - probably because here it is not only the humiliation and dehumanization of those who are imprisoned there, but because the essence of the joke rests on the understanding that it is clear to everyone that prostitution can never be a business or trade - and still, still, instead of denouncing the phenomenon - still, despite Everything - even when the truth is clear, it still seems so natural and logical to everyone that I, I am the object of ridicule, I am the object of insults and jokes."

 

# Is a surrogate prostitution? Is it possible to use prostitution as a therapeutic practice?

Well, this is an interesting question that recently came up on the net following a mother who sent her autistic son to get paid sex services.

We admit that the surrogate issue occupied us quite a bit, but we received the best answer from D., who wrote to us as follows:

"I am a survivor of prostitution and it is completely clear to me that surrogacy is a traumatic practice that has no essential difference from prostitution. It is no coincidence that we sometimes meet survivors of prostitution that started there.

Prostitution is not traumatic because of its stigmas, but because no person can put into his body the genitals of strangers he is not attracted to without going crazy. Sex can exist without love but not without attraction.

The fact that that surrogate has to sleep with people with real problems doesn't make it any easier. It's only more demanding and exhausting. Each of us prefers a normal adulterer who injects and takes out and goes through a tedious mask of managing emotions and fakery.

 We don't care if the hooker has a PhD. We don't care if it is "supervised", this supervision oversees institutionalized sexual exploitation so what is it worth. When you have to sleep with a person that no one else wants to sleep with, without a hint of sexual attraction - it's disgusting and scarring. Don't run away to the clichés "it's supervised", imagine yourself in this situation.'

* The post was written in collaboration with D., a survivor of prostitution in our community.

 

 

# Prostitution and pimping of women among women

It is common to assume that only men pimp women, while we also receive testimonies from women who tell us about pimping, cruel and just as bad as the men.

Sometimes it's about women who were in prostitution in the past and "climbed" the chain of hierarchy, sometimes it's about identifying with the abuser and "switching roles" and sometimes it's about women with psychopathic traits, and sometimes the harm comes from exactly those who are supposed to protect - from mothers.

Before us is a testimony (very difficult!!) of a survivor whose mother pimped her. It is important for her to spread the word so that more women will contact and tell their story and know that they are not alone:

I had 1080 men in me every three months,

I counted every one of them,

every day 20

NIS 350, go to the room, get undressed and I'll come

200 for the pimp and 150 for the mother

I finished ,

next in line please

They called it a tick

Every 10 minutes one leaves and then the next enters

Must keep up

5 customers an hour, I don't have time to breathe

And in the last few hours I wouldn't look at them anymore, first the money,

Enter the room, undress and I'll come

Dims the lights

and looking at the ceiling while the tears are already flowing.

As long as he finishes already, as long as he finishes already.

to come next in line,

I used to count from the beginning every day how much I had left to finish a working day.

And when the 20th would come, I would already be out of breath.

One last penetration, and I can take it easy

the head and put it in the sick bed and wait for the next day.

And every day the same count, there's a little more left, just 7 more and I'm done. Just 3 more and I'm almost gone

And how pleased mom is, proud of me

I'm such a good girl

I save her, give her air to breathe.

I'm a good whore,

Now I'm finally loved"

 

 

 

# Prostitution in the ultra-orthodox community

Many wonder how it is possible for prostitution to exist in a God-fearing population?!

Well... it turns out that there are villains everywhere and in every community and it has nothing to do with the beliefs or morals that that community thinks about itself.

Sometimes mature, ultra-orthodox and divorced women are seen by some men as "permissive" because they are not virgins and are not "anyone's wife".

We know that quite a few divorced ultra-Orthodox women receive offers for paid sex from ultra-Orthodox men.

In some cases the same women are taking care of children, hungry for money - and this is an opportunity to take advantage of a "weak link".

It is important to note that we strive to avoid generalizations about entire populations or communities, but on the other hand, generalizations are valid in all directions - there is no reason to think that there are higher groups, where sexual exploitation of a woman's body does not occur.

 

 

# Prostitution, OnlyFans and other similar sites

What's wrong with some provocative photos that make money from them?! What do we disgruntled feminists want from women who do this by choice?!

Well, we have nothing against the women, we have a lot against those who consume prostitution, and Onely Pence is a solicitation platform for prostitution.

Concepts of "choice" are complex concepts and not really interesting. What is important is a discussion of damages. Does the fact that someone sends very provocative nude photos to a stranger (it will always be super extreme because there is no demand for "vegetarian" photos) have consequences? The answer is of course yes!!

The women share with us that they are constantly required to cross more and more the boundaries they set for themselves and mentally lose the few protections for their privacy. The invasion of personal space is not only virtual.

It manifests itself in everyday reality and creates real traumatic damage.

* The post was written in collaboration with Chen, a survivor of our community.

 

 

# Women in prostitution and communicating with foreign men

Many of us claim (and rightly so) that "not all men". There are good men who would never even imagine taking advantage of women.

However, many of the survivors say that they find it difficult to move around in the public space and walk without fear that there are men around (the voice of a man, the sight of a man - everything is a trigger). This means that sometimes it is not possible, for example, to get into an elevator with a strange man, talk to a man on the phone, etc. Some even avoid participating in family events.

All this is a consequence of the trauma of prostitution and sexual vulnerability.

Many survivors even find themselves "disengaging" (a term describing mental dissociation) when they meet men.

We ask that you show sensitivity to their sensitivity: inform everyone you meet a survivor as far in advance as possible if there is a man around and prepare them mentally, ask for permission to share their space with a man, etc. as much as possible.

* The post was written in collaboration with "Inbal", a survivor of our community.

 

 

# Prostitution and money

Rape culture, which shapes public opinion on a large scale, often leads us to the wrong thinking that women in prostitution earn huge sums and live a life of wealth.

Sometimes, in order to prove the righteousness of those who support this position, they usually provide data on possible "income" from prostitution.

However, presenting dry data is not the distortion of reality as it actually exists in the world of prostitution. Even if we ignore the theft of the money by the pimps or exploitation by other violent parties, and assume that it is a 'handsome income', we at "Not Standing" come across many testimonies of women who fail to save the money and deal with it in a 'normal' manner. Moreover: quite a few of them are immersed in heavy financial debts.

Many times we see that many write that these women have moral failings, an inability to postpone gratification, or alternatively there will be those who claim that all these women need is proper financial guidance.

But is this about it? In these sources, is there a paradox in the 'high income' compared to the poverty data in which women in prostitution actually live? We claim that the picture is different.

First, many of the women feel that money that comes as a result of prostitution is "dirty money". That is, money that needs to be disposed of - and preferably as quickly as possible. A survivor once shared with me that she set fire to a 200" bill she received from a customer because she felt it was dirty money.

Second, a large number of women in prostitution feel the need to compensate themselves mentally after the act of prostitution. This emotional compensation is often expressed in financial expenditures on experiences or products defined as 'luxuries' (brand clothes, lavish meals, etc.). So she shared with me that she survives because after a shift at the institute she has to buy herself something expensive in order to feel that everything was worth it.

Moreover, many women need to talk themselves out of prostitution using drugs and/or alcohol - which cost a lot of money.

Also, for some women, mainly (but not necessarily) women who come from homes where they lived in poverty and lack, cash and instant money creates confusion by giving a false sense of wealth - and having to compensate for the deprivation they have lived in all their lives.

We in the association see from our experience how much there is no blessing in the money that comes from prostitution, as well as the presence to understand every time anew that this is not money that produces financial security and peace of mind, but rather an illusory and addictive cycle, which slowly draws to a deep bottom of terror, foreclosures and debts.

* The post was written in collaboration with "Shilgia", a survivor of our community society.

 

 

# Male prostitution

Contrary to the prevailing myths, male prostitution is not consumed by women, and if it exists, it is in negligible numbers. I have not found research documentation on the phenomenon and field activists do not come across such ("Johnny and the Knights of the Galilee" for example is a comedy without a grip on reality).

However, male prostitution definitely exists and is consumed by men who may or may not identify with the LGBT community. Male prostitution is also consumed by men who define themselves as straight and may even be married to a woman.

Are the characteristics of men engaged in prostitution different from women? The answer to that is complex.

We can point out that these are mostly very young men (sometimes minors), who most of the time come from disadvantaged backgrounds: for example, they are persecuted for their sexual orientation in the society in which they live (for example: Arabs or ultra-orthodox), come from a background of sexual abuse in childhood (like many women in prostitution ) and the like.

The men in prostitution whom we met share their traumas with us just like the women, only our society does not always give them the legitimacy to present it and thus produces an untreated and untreated trauma.

It is important to say that sexual exploitation is exploitation - no matter what your sexual orientation or gender identity is.

 

  

# Human trafficking and the relationship to institutionalization policy

Many think that there is no way to eradicate the sex industry and therefore it is worthwhile to adopt a "risk minimization" policy, recognize the phenomenon and institutionalize it - turn it into a "profession" for all intents and purposes.

Of course, economic interests are involved (after all, the state also benefits from taxation).

But is there a connection to human trafficking?

The study of Jacobson and Kotsadam (Kotsadam & Jakobsson, 2003) identified a trend according to which in countries where institutionalized prostitution flourished, human trafficking also flourished and women from underprivileged areas of the world ended up in prostitution whether forced or not.

What about Ukrainian emissions that will reach countries where there is an institution like the Netherlands and Germany? You do the math.

  

 

# Prostitution cameras

A significant percentage of prostitution consumption takes place virtually, seemingly without contact and sometimes without a pimp/middleman. Is it also possible to point out damages in these situations?

The answer is yes, even prostitution that does not include contact comes from the same difficult and dark places and entails the same prices per soul. Even in cam prostitution you have to detach, be dissociative to last, you have to pretend to enjoy yourself to sell an illusion.

And this is how the survivor "Shelley" writes to us:

"There is a dark space that you fall into. It's hard for me to explain this space. It is a space of endless loneliness, dissociation, disgust, hatred, doom. And working on the site made me feel this space. Just like in frontal prostitution where there is evidence to speak of - the shifts tolerated by me were ones where I drank alcohol or took tranquilizers. I never got addicted because it was important to me, so many shifts I suffered a lot and would cry without being noticed.

As in frontal prostitution there are "better" and "less good" customers. I personally hated them all equally. But can understand what a good customer is and what a bad customer is.

I think the space of doom is the same one, with different names. And it doesn't really matter where you are on the feeding continuum. So I think that in the end there is no difference, on an emotional level."

 

 

# brothels and institutes

We have before us a testimony that contains difficult descriptions (!) that survives describing the mechanism from the inside:

"Mechanics is a name that is not used

It's called an apartment

spa massage

private accommodation,

I think nobody wants to say that he came to the institute

Finding it was very easy

There are sites designed for this..such as tremendous sex, banana, finder

You just have to log in and see job ads

And in order for it to be legal to advertise, it must be stated that it is without sex, that there is no such thing

There are the big institutes

There are 10 girls on duty.. 250 massage with cum, 150 for the manager, 100 for the girl.

If he wants sex 350 ..200 for a girl

"A manager usually never comes to the business

If he gets into trouble, there is a clerk who takes all the responsibility.

Condoms are not thrown away there is a special bin outside in case the police come and there was no evidence of sex there

They prepare us on the first day what to say if the police come...and of course we must not give the name of the manager/pimp

A closing manager on a 50-entry shift, multiply by a hundred and fifty and he has more places

The manager is remote and has cameras all over the place

So he manages everyone like that

I reach between five and twenty clients

All kinds of people come..and in the institutes because of the cheap price, all the garbage comes

A shift cannot pass without drugs and alcohol

Because how can you have sex with someone who could be your grandfather

and smell stinky and stinky and refuse to shower

Flowing with deviations like I'm a little 15 year old girl

I don't know many girls who are sober on duty

You can't complain that you were raped or that you were forced to do something...even though it happens

Situations where I asked the client to cease and desist

And he didn't treat me until he got what he wanted

And I would go out crying... they would tell me come on, it's not bad, the manager... and what are my feelings

I am expected to be a robot

But this is the case every shift

It is a mistake to think that I make a lot of money there

All the money goes on drugs all shift and alcohol

I'm just getting into more debt

I didn't choose it I always said

Life chose it for me because I had no choice

No one chooses to be in these institutes

And that twenty men will have sex with me within 9 hours

The more I do, the more the manager likes me

Girls who complain that they don't flow with anyone or those who don't like them receive worse treatment from the clerk and the manager..."

 

  

# Prostitution and porn

"Is porn prostitution?" This question comes to us many times, and unfortunately the answer is yes.

Not only that, but it is documented and photographed prostitution, the kind that is preserved forever in the virtual memory, passing from hand to hand and "remembering" you even what you would like to forget over the years.

One of the patriarchy's ways of "putting us all to sleep" is to create a feeling that there is no exploitation in porn and that we are talking about movie stars who earn a lot of money and enjoy every moment.

In practice, these are very few "stars" and very many young women who are lured by various means into an abusive world in which, in addition to the promised trauma, they are also slightly offended (most of it will go to the producers/photographers/debaters, etc.).

In addition, in the world of porn, the thrill threshold is high, and therefore, in order to be aroused, the women involved have to agree to particularly horrific and violent acts.

Linda Lovelace "star" of the successful porn film "Deep Throat" from 1972. She came out against the porn industry over the years and claimed that when you watch "Deep Throat" you watch her being raped.

  

 

# Men in prostitution and post trauma

It is important to recognize that women are not the only victims of the sex industry. Men, usually young boys, can also find themselves trafficked in their bodies. Most of the time, these are LGBT boys who, for various reasons, ran away from their home.

Survivors of prostitution who were expelled from conservative societies that could not accept their sexual orientation, for example from the ultra-Orthodox religious sector or from Arab society, or those who fled from their (secular) homes where they were physically and sexually harmed, came to "Not Standing".

It can be assumed that the common denominator is the absence of a family background.

The street life, the economic hardship and the hardship are a fundamental factor in the detour of boys to prostitution.

Whatever the reason, the male prostitution survivors, like the women, also suffer from symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder - because, like any person, having sex with partners without minimal attraction causes psychological damage.

We will end with Elad's words as he wrote them:

"There is no doubt that the post-trauma due to engaging in prostitution is extremely acute.

A lot of drugs went through my body in order to survive, I lived on the rape drug, 24/7 I had to consume ghb   which is a very common drug especially among service providers in the gay community. It's a drug that allows you to go into a dissociation (classic dissociation) and sometimes due to incorrect doses and because the drug no longer has an effect I would reach a state of fainting and then the whole house was robbed and this happened to me and my friends several times, waking up in a hospital after you don't remember anything is a lifelong scaring experience I think".

*The post was written in collaboration with "Elad", a member of our community

 

 

# Prostitution and death

Here is a post written several years ago by my dear friend, former survivor, Dana Levy. In my opinion, he explains perfectly in the words of someone who was there (this is not a support post nor the purpose of the post, it is important to her that we all understand) what do women die of in prostitution?

Two more women in prostitution died recently. I'm sure many are asking themselves why this happens, why premature death is so common among prostitutes?

I heard varied answers to my question.

• The apologists of the sex industry say - it's because of the drugs. Prostitution attracts women who take drugs, because that is where the big money needed to finance the drugs is found. They are drug addicts anyway, so they die and it has nothing to do with prostitution.

• These, by the way, are not the most cynical. I even heard "lawyers are dead too, the feminists just don't make a fuss about it", as if we had ever heard of a lawyer who hanged herself in the office where she lived and slept for a period of time, or about a lawyer who did not recover from grief after her baby was taken from her for adoption. Oh well.

• The liberals say - it's because of the working conditions. If we can only institutionalize prostitution, implement government supervision, make sure that the beds are clean and the prostitutes (well, they don't really say "prostitutes" but it doesn't matter) don't beat up - we will prevent the deaths of women.

• Even those who work against the sex industry sometimes say that the women in prostitution die because of the conditions - the beatings, the thirty customers a day, the violent aspect of sex. Unlike liberals, they understand that no amount of regulation can completely marginalize the sex industry - for there have never been anywhere enough normative women willing to "work" in prostitution, nor have there been anywhere enough moral men longing to be pimps. So it turns out that no matter how much we monitor, there will always be a huge shortage of "voluntary" prostitutes, and therefore there will always be scumbags with a business license who will run shadow prostitution of trafficked, minors and victims of severe violence.

And yet the "conditions" are not the only problem, nor the main one. The women in prostitution don't die because of the "conditions", they die because of the prostitution itself. Sometimes prostitution leads the woman to the path of deterioration that seems to be the direct cause of death - and yet prostitution itself was the cause. Not all of them are aware of this, I've already heard activists say "in a perfect world, prostitution wouldn't bother me" without realizing that in a perfect world something so violent and offensive that you can actually die from it cannot exist.

When did I realize that prostitution itself can kill? I was 22 or 23 years old and had been out of the circle for a while. I met at a party a consul of a European country with nicer people and all the stigmas. We met for a few dates, went to him, kissed, everything was wonderful and then he undressed. I saw before my eyes a body that physically rejected me. There was nothing unusually repulsive about him, and I bet that today I myself look worse naked than he does. But then I was 23 years old with a body made of photoshop, and next to me was a man about 40 years old, with a slightly loose body.

I was disgusted, I didn't want to be with him. I shuddered at the thought of touching him. I wondered if I could still get into bed so as not to hurt and I couldn't. I apologized, muttered something about not being ready for sex yet and ran away.

On the bus home, I wondered what had happened to me. I was in prostitution and slept with less handsome men, without the manners of a European consul, and I didn't shudder like that. the money? The friendship of this impressive man was worth more to me than the money I received at the time per Zenai. I wanted so badly to be the girlfriend of the great man of the world, but I couldn't progress to sex.

And then it hit me. Call it repression, dissociation, rationalization. When you are in prostitution, you know in your heart that the man with the repulsive body turns you off, but you don't let yourself go deeper. You say: "Now I do it because this is my role in the world." And you do it again and again and again even though in your normal state you are, the exact same woman, with the same level of pickiness, running away as if a demon had entered you from the luxurious apartment of a charming man just so as not to touch him.

Activating the mechanism that guarantees that you sleep with everyone, the men-much-less-attractive-than the consul, costs us dearly. Sex without attraction is a harmful and destructive thing. If it wasn't like that - we wouldn't mind sometimes sleeping with the boss just like we don't mind working a few extra hours; We would volunteer to have sex with populations in need as we volunteer to distribute food; And of course we wouldn't run away from charming men after we undressed.

Of course, we are not always aware of the destruction of the mechanism. When you're inside, you survive. You are rationalizing. You say it's not terrible, and in the meantime the difficult experiences, which you would not have experienced in any other situation, accumulate there inside the soul and scar you. You are not in a false consciousness - you understand that you are not well, you know that you are not happy, that you drink too much and take too many drugs, and if not - then you are just not functional and can hardly drag yourself out of bed in the morning... but you drag and repress, you say "Wait, and the waitress is better off? The cashier is better off. This is life and we didn't come to enjoy it" until one day you already realize that you are beyond "not enjoying yourself", and you can do more and the damages that paid rape is allowed in you are obvious. Sometimes you find refuge in harder drugs, sometimes your mental health also deteriorates, and sometimes you just die.

 

 

# So what does a pimp look like?

We imagine a monster, a terrifying man, a scarred face in the best Hollywood tradition that presents arch villains.

In reality they look normal, a. women from the settlement. In the photographs we received from Surdut: the pimp can be seen with his one-year-old daughter on his shoulders, he smiles proudly at the camera - with a "father of the year" look. In another photo, a pimp, from the cruelty that exists according to the descriptions of survivors, plays with her two children on a carpet in the playroom. She smiles warmly at them.

We wonder about the separation between being "normative" family members and the harm they inflict on women. What are they telling themselves?!

The banality of evil…

 

​

# Why is prostitution not a profession?

If prostitution were a profession - experience in it would be an advantage - then everyone knows that in the world of work, in any job, the more you acquire a skill, the more your value increases. In prostitution, on the other hand, the value increases the more new and innocent a woman is!

If prostitution was a profession - you would offer your children to work in it during the summer months and on vacations, there is no job that does not respect its owner, right?!

If prostitution was a profession - would a significant percentage of those engaged in it need large amounts of drugs and alcohol in order to suppress the "work experience"?

If prostitution were a profession - we would find in it women who experienced a normative and benevolent childhood, and we would not find in it a huge amount of women who were sexually/physically/mentally harmed in their childhood or very high percentages of women who experienced parental neglect as children.

If prostitution was a profession - we would not find among the women in it: double morbidity, anxiety problems, depression, eating disorders, sleep disorders and more...

If prostitution was a profession... but prostitution is not a profession, nor can it be - not now, and not ever.

* The post was written in collaboration with "Shelgia" - a survivor of our community.